02 February 2014

My cat's cuddles have magical mood-improving properties. Last night I was deeply troubled and he lay down beside me, head and shoulders on my chest, and the darkness melted away.

31 January 2014

Our bees have made it through the winter. As they warm up they are feasting on pollen patties.

16 December 2013

My goldfish is going to be 5 in February. He shows no signs of slowing down. I named him Guppy. My uncle suggested that this could be a great basis for a childrens' story: someone who thinks they're plain but turns out to be grand. Does anybody want to write and illustrate an easy reader with me? The date to deliver would be July and I'm thinking with The Girl Least Likely and Lost Gander this could be amazing.

12 December 2013

I have been a delinquent blogger....

For the holidays I have opened a haberdashery for children. There will be a skull and crossbones hat, a proper darling bonnet, two spring hats, one in broad triangles and a knot on top and the other purple tweed with a lace flower at the crown, as well as a possible lilac santa hat with an extra long tassel. I am hard at work.

I made Star Wars snowflakes for the 6 year old Star Wars fan in my life and attended St Nikolaus Day at the Austrian schnitzel haus to deliver my gift. My Nicolas sat in my lap for much of the night, telling me about loving tag, water slides and rock climbing as well as suavely hiding from the Scary Santas in the most hideous Halloween costumes ever running around with brooms and large claws and making all the little kids scream.

My cat is being extra cuddly (in between shredding knitting patterns before breakfast) and I have sat and laid still for long times patting him.

I have had writing ideas come together and be cast apart again in panic attacks.

I have bought twinkle lights, tiny led's on bendable copper wire, for cheap on Amazon, and then spent ridiculous money on Christmas decorations I have no intention to display this year. The tomato red blown glass balls were a steal at $5 a piece.

It has snowed, and today the rain came to wash away all the snow.

My sister opened up to me about her illness, and in doing so built a bridge bringing the two of us as close as we've ever been. She is starting MAOI's and I am making her an apple puff pancake Christmas morning so that she doesn't stroke out and die after eating what the rest of us will.

All in all it has been a pretty happy December.

23 November 2013

I bought this painting, "the light yet shines to us enough," by my friend Steven Heaton. It is full of hope and things coming together.

31 October 2013

Happy Halloween!

I dressed Bo up as a dragon. He even did a little dragon dance.


26 October 2013

I have recently taken up knitting again. I am having fun and so is my cat. He likes the chunky yarn I am making felted slippers from, chasing the tail, purring, and wrestling the ball of yarn. The kittenishness of his interest is completely adorable.

16 October 2013

My dad is playing hardball with the bank. He's like, they admitted they were at fault, now they're going to pay FOR EVERYTHING. I'm glad he's still angry.

21 September 2013

I was so grateful today when my dad, the peacemaker and rock of our family, said that my sister really doesn't understand me. He is sad she is not coming home when she needs respite, but she has good people to support her.

11 September 2013

"She's worried there are monsters in your room?!?!"
I gave my six year old cousin Nicholas the book, "My First Kafka," as a present on starting grade one. He really took to the pictures and its version of "The Metamorphosis." I like that he has a story that is open to all sorts of questions and interpretations and just I don't knows, and that he engages with it that way, even at his age. He really struggles with his father exerting authority, so it has emotional impact as well. Nicholas wanted to share the book with his dad and his mom, after they got in a fight and before bed respectively, which I thought was a good sign. He is starting to read himself too! And, kind, empathetic, sensitive soul that he is, he asked me why I sometimes get frustrated with my mom, a secret which I told him last time we were together.

03 September 2013

My dad sent me an e-mail this morning called "18 things children can teach us about happiness." My sister is bipolar and dealing with her is constantly tumultuous, and I have schizoaffective disorder. He says he didn't even want to send the whole thing, just the title. He is a really good dad.

30 August 2013

I am overjoyed for my friend Mr Field, who is having a book of his art published by a good gallery (of course they're good - his work is amazing!). I promise to tell you where you can get it as details become available.
When I was caring for the cats on Monday I noticed two tuxedo kittens with bald patches on their faces. This was alarming, because the shelter has recently had an outbreak of ringworm, I had been cuddling one of the kittens (disgusting), and I had noticed nothing the day before. At first the shelter lady was too exhausted to believe me since no one else had called, but I pressed, and she e-mailed me to say she'd removed them from the viewing area. I am so relieved, and happy I was able to be effective.

27 August 2013

I ate ice cream for breakfast and then the dog took me for a long walk. Win-win.

23 August 2013

I don't know if it's that the Ayurvedic tea I've been drinking (Pukka's Cleanse blend of nettle, peppermint and fennel) has actually been working, or if it's just the summer heat, but the pores on either side of my nose have been most welcomely disappearing. I've decided to take up beauty products. Scratch that, the beauty products I've tried don't work but one of my favourite things, tea, apparently does. See you (or not!) in the vanity isle!

21 August 2013

As part of her psychological treatment my mom is fucking up perfectly good baking.

19 August 2013

Early morning cuddles in bed with the cat and dog.

18 August 2013

I have seen a young (small) red-crested woodpecker twice now.
Mum's dog let me sleep in an extra 45 minutes without peeing on the floor. She hopped outside crossing her legs, then took me for a shorter walk than she has the past two days. She let a blonde lady out running pet her, I think because she looked like my mom and the dog misses her. The dog has behaved herself very well, and is even sleeping on the chair in my bedroom while I type.

17 August 2013

I provided just the right amount of information to get the longest deadline possible.

16 August 2013

I went inside the hive and the bees had been busy building wax foundations on the frames we moved into the lower part of the hive. I was very proud of them. They had also built comb and collected honey in the upper part of the hive, where many more of the bees had moved! I put one frame in the middle of two frames with honey on them wearing no gloves and didn't get stung. It was a very good bee day.

14 August 2013

Today has been a banner writing day, so it figures that I would lose my epic cool and start panicking right now.

08 August 2013

This afternoon the cupboard was quietly restocked with the special high-grade chocolate. I am using it to try to get my stomach to cease and desist its panging. I have been hungry all day and eating hasn't helped make the problem go away. I am cursing my psychiatrist so hard right now. This never happened to me before the Abilify. Other people must have had this happen to them. It's hellish. This is four months after I quit the drug.

06 August 2013

My friend, the talented Mr Field and I are working on the same philosophical project! He wants to read the books I am reading for my Hegel-Nietzsche term paper. The problem we are working on is this: what to do when God is not truly, deeply believed in, but the metaphysics God supported lives on.

04 August 2013

I'm working on writing something sophisticated about Descartes, while the Hegel books I really want to be reading stand at the ready beside my bed. I dislike Descartes for the same reasons Leibniz did: he was a dick who wanted a whole bunch of people to think like him. Leibniz was a smart guy; you will remember he also invented calculus.

03 August 2013

A quick chat with Mr Field across a flickering internet connection. All is well. My mother's dog took me on a long walk this morning. I will wait for the sky to clear to take the cat out, so that he can feel the sun on his fur.

01 August 2013

I woke up at 3 am worrying in complete sentences. The professor responsible is a dick who doesn't return messages. It was sunny but cold so I am wearing a winter sweater and mismatched t-shirt. I got more than expected done. This afternoon I got lonely (writing makes me lonely) and had to talk to my mom because my friend Mr Field is on vacation. I now cannot wait to be back asleep because my body feels as though it is collapsing.
My track pad bit it. I was sad, because my Mac was expensive and is only 4 years old and I years ago couldn't burn cd's with it and wait, I just updated $40 worth of brand new operating systems so I could run my new iPod with iPhoto (which I am now too broke this month to download).  Just looking at the Macs in my family home, I would say that the rate of hardware failure is 50% over 4 computers. The guy at the Mac store (the one I paid, not the hot one who diagnosed my Macbook's ailment) said we were spoiled during the late 90's by slower processors that were less likely to break. Good grief. I only know that my sister's last PC, which was half the price of my computer, completely died after 3 years. If my computer had completely died I would have lost a year's worth of research and been screwed as deadlines approach this month. I am about to get all over this new Cloud thing.

30 July 2013

Crazy talk with my mom about premenstrual symptoms, my lack thereof, and the false information given to her by police when I was psychotic.

29 July 2013

Lots of people view my blog every day now that it is linked to my Twitter, especially spam-bots from China and Russia. Anyone else should feel free to break from the protocol of silence and leave a comment.

28 July 2013

Not only one, but two professors have agreed to let me turn in papers in September, thus putting my academic house in order. I am pleased for myself. I am so happy that I am now able to work in a way that is progressing. I am not one of those people who is able to function rationally through depression. And I got to be there for my Opi.

20 July 2013

I thought I lost my mom's dog today. She was having a tough morning, spending a good number of minutes sniffing the grass in front of our house before I told her "no" and she went on her walk. The dog reminded me of my mom in her obsessiveness. When we got to the dog park I went along her usual route, counterclockwise, and ran in to some dogs. Zoe saw them and balked. I couldn't see her, but instead of running through them, as she would usually do, or around them, as she would in a pinch, she ran the other way around all the way down to the other end of the dog park. I thought she might have gone home, so started walking back that way, before eventually following her. She ran to greet me. I was very happy that she waited for me, and so I used the word "wait," which she knows, over and over in praising her. We are all home safe now.

19 July 2013

Hello library lovers!

A First Nation in my home province just lost their beloved Thestalalh Library to a fire. I found out through one of their tribal councillors Jess Housty on Twitter. She is very kind, works with young people, and talks about how it is impossible not to feel "huge gratitude and high spirits" surrounded by "so many amazing people." Jess' tweets make me happy and fill me with hope. Canada's government tried to destroy First Nations' language, culture and family structure under the guise of "helping." Given this history of racism, First Nations people face obstacles that those in the majority culture do not. The strength and resilience of their communities matters, and makes a big difference in individual lives. If you can help send books, or a make a small donation to make the library better than ever, please visit www.bellabellalibrary.com. Thank you for listening, the more people know the better we will treat one another in the future.

18 July 2013

Today I was sitting on a bench in the local mall with my beer waiting for my mom to buy some bread and I met some elderly Punjabi speaking ladies. I said "satskreeakal" which is hello and one of them patted me on the back and asked me if I spoke Punjabi. Unfortunately the answer is no. They were lovely though, really lovely, and I will ask Rup, a Pestmart manager, to teach me "how are you" next time I see him.